Adults

I know an adult in my family who drinks or uses drugs- are they addicted?

Q: WHY DOES THE ADULT IN MY FAMILY KEEP DRINKING SO MUCH OR USING DRUGS?

A: If you are worried about their drinking or drug use, they might have a disorder — alcoholism or drug addiction. These illnesses can cause a loss of control and serious emotional and mental complications. If your friend/ family member has this problem, they might say or do things that hurt you, which really has nothing to do with you. This is very confusing because it definitely does not mean that they do not love you.

Q: IF THEY ARE SICK, WHY DON'T THEY GET HELP?

A: At first, the adult might not even realize that anything is wrong. Sometimes it's very hard for people to admit that they have a problem — they are in denial. Even when they become aware that something is wrong, they might not believe that drugs or alcohol are the problem. Or, they might be terrified of dealing with real life, or with themselves, without drugs or alcohol.

Many people do get help from a doctor, a rehab facility or a local group (alcoholics or narcotics anonymous). They have to want the help themselves, to face up to their problems. Remember, you aren’t responsible for their problems and you can’t “fix” them.

Q: IF ONE OF MY PARENTS/ FAMILY MEMBERS HAS THIS PROBLEM, WILL IT HAPPEN TO ME TOO?

A: Addiction to drugs and alcohol tends to run in families and kids of alcoholics or drug abusers have a real risk of getting addicted. Genes or heredity is part of the pattern, but not the only part. A person's environment, including their friends and the ease of getting alcohol or drugs, may influence how much someone drinks or does drugs. It is also important to remember that even if no other family member has a drug or alcohol addiction, it is still possible to develop a problem, and the younger a person tries drugs or alcohol, the more of a problem it can turn out to be. If you don’t ever drink or use drugs, you will not become addicted.

But just because your mom or dad does drugs or drinks too much doesn't mean you will automatically develop alcoholism or drug dependence. It is very important to find healthy ways to deal with your feelings, stress, relationships, and social pressure. Other things, such as being involved in sports, dance, music, writing and other after school activities, may help to protect even high-risk people from drug and alcohol problems. You can be happy and healthy even if your family isn’t. Many people have found ways to cope with the chaos around them and grow up better off because of it.

Q: IS IT MY FAULT THAT THEY DO DRUGS OR DRINK TOO MUCH?

A: No! They might blame things on family members, people at work, life in general, the car, or whatever else is convenient. It's important to remember you can't control the life of the person who is abusing. You don’t make them drink or use drugs and you can’t make them stop. You don’t have to hide bottles or be perfect all the time. You did not cause the problem; you are not the problem.

Q: WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP?

A: There are many children who have family members who abuse drugs and alcohol. It is important for you to understand that the drug/alcohol abuse is not your fault and you have no control over the abuse. But what you do have control over is getting help for yourself and you don't have to do that alone! It takes some courage to share this secret with somebody else. However, telling an adult you trust is the first step toward helping yourself and maybe the adult you care about. Consider speaking with an adult at an Afternoons R.O.C.K. in Indiana program, your school counselor, a trusted teacher, or a relative. For help, you can also call the Girls and Boys Town National Hotline 1 (800) 448-300
24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This number also is a free call so it will not show up on your phone bill either.